How on Earth Do You Homeschool With a Baby in the House?????

Photograph by Pleasant Trees- Photography by Felicia.  Many thanks for capturing this special
homeschooling moment with the five of us!

At a recent OB appointment, the nurse asked me if this was my first baby.

"Oh no!" I replied. "I have three at home.  Eleven, nine, and five."

"Oh, well at least they are in school." She responded.

I didn't bother to correct her.  I chuckled to myself at all her words implied.

Kids are hard work. (Yes they are.) You've already got three, and now a baby too. (That's above the average by two) That's not going to be easy.  At least three of them will be gone all day.

I really wasn't offended.  Of course, the truth is that my children are not in school.  They are at home with me all day. We home school.  Even though this method of education is becoming more and more popular, the norm is that most children enter daycare early in life and then proceed from there to preschool and kindergarten in some sort of public or private school.  This is not an unloving decision, by any means, on the parent's part, it is just the natural course of things.  My choice to keep my children home is still something that is considered unusual.  No one ever assumes you homeschool.

Admittedly, I am starting this piece before baby number four arrives.  We are just two weeks away from that blessed event!  But it certainly has crossed my mind- how am I going to do this? I have children in fifth and fourth grade, a five-year-old in kindergarten, and an infant perking in my womb.  Once he makes his great escape, he will no doubt be quite attached to me and my breast and I'll be relegated to a lot of chair time feeding him.  So how on earth will I continue to homeschool my older three children, and do it well?

Yes, it does occasionally make me panic.  But in general, no worries.  Many mamas have gone before me in this venture, and what I am constantly reminded of is that the home school and the brick-and-mortar schools just can't be compared as far as effectiveness and purpose.  Indeed, the goal is to give children an education. But what an education is takes on a whole new meaning when you choose to homeschool.  For us it has, anyhow.

I remember when I had Petite, my third baby.  My older two were only six and four, so were in their early days of homeschooling.  Yet very important years. Mister was reading, Brown-Eyed-Girl was just beginning to learn her letter sounds.  I remember being tired the first few weeks of Petite's life. She was born in late August and we had started our school year a week or two before she was born.  After a short hiatus, we picked things up again.  I don't remember things being too crazy overall, though I'm sure we had our days.  What I remember most clearly about that school year was our very last day in May.  Petite was about nine months old.  I was working with her big sister on letter sounds and we were saying "e-e-e-e" together, the soft "e" sound.  Suddenly, little Petite starts parroting us.  "E-e-e" she gurgled.  We all three looked at her in surprise. And laughed and laughed, joyously!

Truth is, my children had such an amazing opportunity to watch their baby sister's first year unfold because we were all home together.  They saw her learn to crawl and walk, to start making sounds, and grabbing things.  They would occupy her and play with her on the floor while I got some things done.  They experienced her first phonics lesson!  What a rare opportunity, full of moments that could never be duplicated.  They would have missed it all if they were in their separate classrooms in a school away from home.

That is what I most look forward to when I think of homeschooling my children with another baby in the house, over five years later.  The memories that will be made, the bonding we will all have, will be irreplaceable.  The education they will receive just by having an infant in the home will be invaluable.

I don't doubt there will be days I want to pull my hair out, lock myself in my room, or cry right along with the baby.  But I know how extremely special these days will be to all of us.

So... I've got the will and the heart for this, but practically speaking, how on earth will my children continue to get an education?  The academic part, that is.

One of the major things I have done this school year is move toward handing off some of the essential subjects to electronic curriculum.  I started my son on Teaching Textbooks math, a CD-ROM program, at the beginning of the year. It includes all the lectures and solutions for a full math year.  I just this week started Brown-Eyed-Girl on the same program.  I also recently discovered the free online program Xtra Math, which helps kids memorize their math facts.  Each lesson is about 5-10 minutes, and tells the kids when they are done.  I also purchased Rosetta Stone's new online reading program for Brown-Eyed-Girl at the beginning of the school year.  She is a slow-to-warm-up reader, and I felt that I just wasn't methodical enough in my teaching.  This was the best $99 I spent this year because her reading is steadily improving, and she is also getting instruction in spelling and other reading elements such as homonyms, syllables, synonyms, sentence structure etc.  These computer based programs still require my help at times, and definitely need monitoring for progress and to make sure they are truly doing the work, but they have taken a burden off my shoulders in these essential subjects.

So often, advice to new homeschoolers is to focus on the three Rs.   Don't worry about science and history and art etc. But for me, those are the things I want to focus on!  The three Rs are the tedious subjects.  But of course, they are the foundation that needs to be built strong.  I have a lot more confidence that my children are getting that foundation now that I have passed math and some reading instruction off to a methodical electronic program. And there is definitely progress!  This  has also allowed me more time to spend with my up-and-coming reader, to make sure her foundation is being built.

As for science and history and literature, I still head these subjects up, doing lots of reading aloud and discussion with the kids.  We are following loosely the My Father's World Rome to Reformation curriculum.  So our history this year began with Ancient Rome and will progress through the Middle Ages and age of exploration.  We use several different resources, but my favorite history resource is The Story of the World by Susan Weiss Bauer.  We actually have this narrative of history for children on audio CD, so we take advantage of our time in the car to get history lessons.  We are using Apologia's Young Explorers Astronomy this year, another text that I read aloud to the kids and then they do the notebooking activities that come with it.  We are also listening our way through The Chronicles of Narnia series on audio book when we are in the car, and we are all loving this!  Again, employing electronic resources is a life saver, and a great use of time in the car!

And of course, I am always reading a book aloud to the kids.  This is one of my favorite aspects of homeschooling, and also another family bonding time.  We've built so much"history" together just by sharing these stories.  With a nursing baby, and all the time I'll be spending in a chair, reading aloud will continue to be a major part of our homeschool.


Another fact of life I have come to embrace this year, is that our school day may take ALL day.  We will rarely be done by noon, and shooting for that only causes me and the kids stress. With each new school year, the work load increases on my children and on me.  With each new child, it does too, of course.  I have learned to become so much more flexible with our day.  While trying to keep everyone on task and doing productive work, I'm also giving them some freedom to take a break when need be.  We don't allow any television, video games or fun computer time until at least four o'clock and then, only when all their work is done.  I'm trying to place more responsibility in their court, and recently implemented the ideas in this blog post about using a simple notebook to assign work.

Flash forward:

Baby B is now two weeks old.  We took a week off from school and picked it up again this week.  On Monday, B had his first check-up with the doctor.  Grammy came over to watch the older three, and they worked on their to-do lists from their notebooks (mentioned above) while I was gone.  Later, we read from the Bible and our current read-aloud, The Door in the Wall.  We finished up the Mars notebooking activities while B  was sleeping.  The following days have been similar.

The kids' doctor is very supportive of home education, and she rightly said to me at the baby's appointment, "You make it work because it is important to you."

I don't consider the work I do here at home any easier or more difficult than the work other moms do.  It takes discipline to get up every day and do the thing you have committed to do and do it diligently. Although the dynamics in our home have changed, of course, with the arrival of a new baby, and there will be days that we don't get it "all" done, education will continue to be one of our top priorities because, for us, it's more than books, it is a lifestyle.

Wonderful

"Is anything too wonderful for the Lord?"

Genesis 18:14

The morning of March 6th was below freezing.  While we should have been nestled, snug in our beds, Josh and I were awake in an otherwise empty house. He had his usual toast loaded with coconut oil and peanut butter.  I had a very small cup of black coffee and several cups of water.  We brushed our teeth and checked to see if we had forgotten anything.

And then we ventured out into the freezing cold to get to the hospital by 6:30.  Our baby was going to be born today!

One of the last photos of me pregnant, at registration the morning Baby B was born.

I was in good spirits. Just the day before, I had been anxious and emotional, but this morning I was calm.  I hadn't been awake all night worrying about my first ever surgery and all the  potential "what-ifs".  I was purposely avoiding those thoughts and trying to focus on the incredibly surreal event ahead.

Since we had found out that I had a complete placenta previa, back at our 18 week ultrasound, this pregnancy had taken on a much more clinical aspect than my previous three. Lots more ultrasounds, so many that they almost got boring, steroid shots, and planning for my first c-section.  While my doctor was very optimistic and never alarmist about the previa, he was also real about the possibilities.  Bleeding, hemorrhage, blood transfusion, loss of my uterus.  Miraculously, we were headed to the hospital at 36 weeks and 6 days gestation with absolutely no "bleeds" (as they are called) on record!  We had made it!

We checked into registration at the hospital and were brought to the labor and delivery floor, where everything takes place.  Memories of my previous births flooded back.  And I was surprised to find myself thinking "I'm totally okay with not going through labor this time around." Josh and I had some laughs over the cervical dilation chart posted on the wall of my room. Not this time around, we chuckled.

As always, I had wonderful nurses that filled me in on the details of what was to happen.  I had my first ever IV inserted (it took two tries. After the first, I started feeling like I was going to pass out.  Oh dear, I thought. If this is how my body is reacting to just an IV, I'm in real trouble! But thankfully the second attempt was successful.)  I met with the anesthesiologist, who was very kind and had a gentle sense of humor. He filled me in on what to expect from the spinal and that he would do everything and anything to keep me comfortable and feeling well.  I asked for a little extra relaxation medication once the baby was born and the surgery was being completed.  He said one of his most important jobs was to take pictures for me.  All of the staff I met were shocked that I had never had an IV or an epidural before.

As I walked to the OR, I told myself not to look around too much. I didn't want to make myself more nervous. The nurses and other staff were wonderful as they led me through getting the spinal (a breeze) and as they prepped me for surgery.  I began to feel very out of breath and the anesthesiologist quickly gave me something via the IV to bring my blood pressure back up. After that, I felt great the whole time.

My mom was brought in and we made light conversation as the surgery began.  We talked about my nephew who was flying in from Texas.  I felt things happening, but none of it was painful and it was actually comforting to feel something, as opposed to being completely numb.  It wasn't long before my doctor announced that he was delivering the baby's legs first- our little guy had gone breach at some point in the past two weeks!  I was getting so excited, as was mom, and nervous at the same time.  I started crying happy, nervous tears as I anticipated my little guy coming into the world. Similar to birthing naturally, I felt him slipping out of me and it was wonderful.  They told my mom to look over and see the baby and she gasped with joy.  When we heard his first cry, we both made happy exclamations!  It was the sweetest sound in the world!

My first picture with Baby B.  Safe and sound.

They showed him to me very briefly and brought him to the warmer, where mom got to cut his cord and help clean him up. I waited, quivering with excitement, loving his loud cries. It meant his lungs were in good working order and that he was strong and well.

And then, there he was, bundled up beside me.  Someone helped me put my hand on him.  He was so close I could barely see him, and he was more adorable than I could possibly imagine.  He stayed with me for maybe five minutes. I began to feel tired and more relaxed (the medication I asked for sinking in).  My mom and the baby's nurse left the OR to go meet Daddy and Grammy and Grampy for the first time.

The rest of the surgery was very relaxed for me. I just closed my eyes and felt like I was as light as air.  I could hear the small talk being made and occasionally some medical talk. My doctor talked to me every now and then. The anesthesiologist constantly checked in with me to be sure I was okay. Everyone was calm and relaxed and I thought, "Everything must be okay. The placenta must have come out just fine."

Nearing the end of surgery, my doctor told me things were going very well but that I had lost a lot of blood (later to find out, about 2 liters), but that they were able to transfuse my own red blood cells back into me using a device called a "cell saver". It collected all the fluids I had lost and separated them out, cleaned them, and allowed my own blood to be transfused back in. That was the final step of surgery for me.

My doctor also informed me that he had put a "balloon" in to help ease the bleeding from my uterus.  Stitches where the placenta had attached just didn't work.  Apparently this is a very new procedure too because several of my nursing staff had never heard of it.

Before long,  I was being transported to the recovery room.  I was feeling good, but anxiously looking at the clock.  It had been about an hour since the baby had been gone and I was anxious to see him and try to nurse him.  About 10 minutes into recovery, Josh brought him in, all smiles. His blood sugar was a little low and I was able to feed him for the very first time, with no problems. Such a huge answer to prayer, as that was one of my greatest desires!


Our baby boy is absolutely perfect.  He was just an ounce shy of being seven pounds and was 20 inches long.  He is strong, a fantastic nurser, and beautiful from head to toe.  He is very calm and relaxed.  It truly was love at first sight and incredible joy at his arrival.  I don't feel robbed of having a natural birth at all.

The first day of recovery, I felt fine. The c-section itself was a breeze! I got out of bed in the evening, which was difficult, but okay. I slept with my baby inside my hospital gown all night.  It was heavenly.

Day two of recovery was very difficult. I was in a lot of pain and discomfort.  Since I had never had surgery, it was difficult to know what I needed for pain control measures, and I should have been taking more.  I was very discouraged, feeling I would never get better.

Our other three children came in the afternoon to meet their baby brother and there was much excitement!  Brown-Eyed Girl had been so excited for this moment and you can see the joy all over her face.  Everyone wanted to hold him and love on him.

We stayed for three nights in the hospital, longer than I ever had before.  Our nurses were absolutely wonderful and we were so well cared for.  The hospital is a very hard place to rest, especially the first 24 hours, but it was good to get my pain under control and have quiet moments with my baby.   And no responsibilities except caring for him and me!

At the beginning of this year, I began reading the book of Genesis.  When I read the story of two angels coming to visit Abraham in chapter 18, a particular verse stood out to me and has become my focus for this year.  When the angels told Abraham he would have a son in his old age, his wife, Sarah, laughed!  It was an incredulous, you're-absolutely-crazy, kind of laugh.  "And the Lord said to Abraham, "Why did Sarah laugh?... Is anything too hard for the LORD?" vs14.  In the footnote of my Bible, another word for "hard" is "wonderful".

Is anything too wonderful for the Lord?

I asked myself this question.

I found myself believing without a doubt that nothing was too hard for the Lord to do.  He could, of course, get me through this pregnancy without any major catastrophe.  

But did I believe that nothing was too wonderful for the Lord to do on my behalf?

I sometimes found myself thinking that there was no way I would get through without something bad happening.  God would still be good, he would still be there to help me, but something surely had to go wrong.

But I was challenged by this verse.  Is anything too wonderful for the Lord?

Like the father of a demon possessed boy in Mark 9, I believed that God was able... but I still needed help with my unbelief.

We have seen, through the pregnancy and the birth of our newest child, that there is nothing too wonderful for the LORD to do.  He is all that is wonderful, after all. We praise Him and thank Him for his tremendous goodness to us, for showing us his deep tenderness and kindness through all of this.

My first full day at home, I got up and made some coffee.  I took it back up to my bed, where Baby B lay sleeping in his little bed, and opened up my Bible to Isaiah 40. One of my favorite "mommy" verses is in this chapter and I wanted to remind myself that the Lord would tenderly carry me through this new season of life- three older children and a newborn!

"He will tend his flock like a shepherd;

he will gather the lambs in his arms;

he will carry them in his bosom,

and gently lead those that are with young."

Isaiah 40:11

As I read from the start of the chapter, however, another passage touched my heart.

Comfort, comfort my people, says your God.

Speak tenderly to Jerusalem

and cry to her

that her warfare is ended,

that her iniquity is pardoned,

that she has received from the Lord's hand

double for all her sins.

Isaiah 40:1-3

When I look at these pictures of my family- my amazing husband, my four beautiful children- what I see is redemption.

I will never pretend that this is the life I dreamed of.

In fact, I was headed in an entirely different direction in my younger life, one that I thought promised joy and all the good things in life.  What I found was complete misery.  While I looked like such a good girl on the outside, I was on several paths of destruction that, had I continued, would have caused me much heartache.  And would find me living a very different life right now.

I was a deep, deep sinner no matter how clean and pretty I looked.  But at a very old-feeling 20 years of age, I surrendered my life to Jesus Christ.  Shortly after, I met my husband. We had a whirlwind engagement and marriage and fifteen years later, we are still in love, we have four precious children, and life is anything but boring.

Even though I am a housewife

A stay-at-home mom.

Not a lawyer.

Not a city-girl.

Truth is, this life is so much better than what I would have chosen.  My warfare is ended, my sin is pardoned, and I have received more than I deserve from the Lord's hand.

I see those faces, and I see what wonderful things the Lord is capable of doing in my life.

I am overwhelmed.

Welcome to our crazy little family, Baby B! We love and adore you!

One Smallish- But Big- Change This School Year

What a school year it has been already.  I honestly don't even know how many days we've got on the books. What is happening to me????  I love marking my days, checking my boxes, and keeping that running tally, for several reasons. First, so we stay on track. I mean, we have got to stay on track! We can't be falling behind our average 20 days per month of school so we can definitely finish by the end of May!  Secondly, I feel like we're accomplishing something.  That number tells me that my days truly count.  Thirdly, I'm just super-organized that way.

But here we are in December and I really don't know how far into our year we are based on the number of required days. I have been keeping track, I am keeping good notes in my Well Planned Day, but it's not my priority this year to count days.

This year is going so much better than last year.  Remember last year? The Year I Wanted to Quit. Like really quit.  I couldn't bear to think of homeschooling anymore.  Though I still had a passion for it, it was just one hard year that I didn't want to repeat itself.

Thankfully it is not.

And here's why. Or at least, what I think is why.

I. Have. Relaxed.

Deep breath.  Cause part of me actually thinks that is a lie. Because I am so not a relaxed person.  My husband, he is relaxed. He is laid back big time.  Me? Not. So. Much.

But really.  Based on the typical me, I have relaxed.

We get up in the morning and I am training all three of my kiddos to have their morning stuff done by 8:30. We are early risers and I have found that starting at 8:30 is doable and better for us than last year's 9:30.  That extra hour seemed to make my kids think the whole day was theirs and that when I rang the school bell, so to speak,  I was interrupting their lives.  So 8:30 is our new time to start our school day.

But it doesn't always start with school work.


Today we worked on chores all morning.  A big storm was blowing in, with the possibility of a power outage, so we had Emergency Preparedness 101.  We found all the flashlights. Filled buckets and tubs with water.  Filled the woodbox for the stove.  We worked on laundry so we'd have plenty of clean clothes.  We cleaned the bathrooms.  Showered.  Swept.  I vacuumed like crazy.

And I didn't feel one bit guilty that we weren't hitting the school books.  We were being productive and getting other important things done.  After lunch, we had school. It wasn't a day with all the books open, but as a whole, it counted.

This is what I mean by relaxed. I'm not trying to cram school in. I'm not forcing things to go on a particular schedule each day.  I'm not expecting to be finished by a certain time.  Most days we start out with math and typical schoolish things, but sometimes we work on other important things.  Like life skills.  I don't feel bad or rushed if we have to finish some school work after lunch. Or after dinner.  I'm not so stressed if all my boxes don't get checked in my planner.  I'm keeping notes on more than just progress in reading and math and handwriting. I'm noting good discussions we have.  Subtle changes in attitude that are for the better.  Things we do together that weren't planned or scheduled and never could have been.

I'm not worried about if we finish the entire schedule for the year.  I chucked a book I thought  I would love but that we all hated.  I went back to my favorite history resource, The Story of the World, even though it's not in the teacher's guide.  I planned on December being a "nontraditional" month because of all the excitement for  Christmas and all the holiday activities we would like to do.  I've been teaching the oldest two the same math and grammar on the white board this month instead of their individual programs.  And I think they are still learning just fine.

I don't plan my whole week out in every single subject. Most days I start with math and fill in the blanks for English.  We don't do writing every day. Or grammar. Or spelling.  We do each of them sometimes according to what fits.

I realized that all my high ideals are unrealistic.  So I've given myself a break and have my son using a computer based math program and Brown-Eyed Girl is using Rosetta Stone reading for extra help.  Because I can't do it all.  And trying to just stressed me out.

I'm not worried about Petite's handwriting right now.  She is a giant sponge of excitement and learning and begs for her school, but she writes everything backwards (but with so much pride!).  And I have decided not to worry about it.  And not to push it.  And just wait a bit.  Because eventually she'll be ready to write correctly.

I don't care what the experts say.  I don't care if I should take her pencil away so she doesn't learn bad habits. I don't care if I should work on it more often.  She loves to learn and she loves to do work right now so I am not messing with it.

See? I am relaxed.

Not every moment of every day.  I've had times of panic.  Times of fear.  But then I go back to what I decided about this year:

My children's education will not be just academics.  It will be relationships. It will be the school of work.

It will be okay.

And there it is.  The one small- but huge!- change I've made this school year.  It's actually a series of small changes, but it's made a big difference.

If you homeschool, I hope you're having a great year.  And if you're not, if it feels like The Year You Want to Quit... hang tight.  Pray.  Things can get better.

School is in the House! We're Back for 2014.

We are back-to-school!  And can I say, take no offense please, that I kinda don't like the "Not Back-to-School" phrase.   I get it, I do, us buck-the-system homeschoolers.  But truthfully, we are back!  Back from lazy days of summer when the TV got to go on early and stay on late.  Back from being off schedule. Back to the books daily. I like it. Mostly.

My eighth year of home teaching, ALL by God's grace!

First of all, let me say I am so proud of my children! We have had a great first week. Transition is never easy, school only holds so many delights, and we are definitely expecting more of them this year.  Especially when it comes to  helping out with household work.  Mister has been mowing the lawn all summer. He's helping to put in the wood for winter.  Each child has a daily checklist to get them in the habit of accomplishing certain tasks by the time we start school around 8:30, and with daily chores as well.  I am no longer the resident dishwasher unloader, I no longer do my children's laundry (except Petite's), and I am no longer relied on to make every breakfast and lunch.  Dinner is still my department.

But we are growing.  And it is good.  For all of us.

You can't gauge how the year is going to go by the first day, or week, but it's gone so much better than I anticipated.  Maybe because...

I am trying, really hard, to be more relaxed.  To leave more margin in our day.  To undo the noose I put around my own neck, the one that squeezed tighter and tighter when we didn't do spelling and grammar every day.  Or check off all the other boxes every day.  I am trying to take the time to really look at my children, see what their needs are, and their desires, and let those things determine more of what we do each day.

Petite is in kindergarten!  We are using My Father's World for this very special year.

I'll be honest.  I've got a slow-to-warm-up reader.  I've tried everything, but we make very slow progress. But this is my number one focus this year for this child.  So I invested in the new Rosetta Stone reading program (Lexia 5).  Because when I prayed about it, I just didn't feel I was giving consistent and effective enough teaching.  It hurts my pride to say this, but it's true.

I've also got my son doing a computerized math program, Teaching Textbooks. Not what I had originally planned for the year, but what is working for this year.  I am having him use the JUMP Math ( my favorite math ever!!!) to reinforce his TT lessons. But this hurts my pride too. I want to be able to do it all.

Be a dynamic math teacher.

Have readers far above grade level.

Brown-Eyed Girl is in fourth grade.  She loves to draw, sew, and, most recently, talk on the phone!

Do art, music, PE consistently.

But why? And for who?  Yes, for them, but often I make it more about me.  My need to feel like a good teacher and a good mom who is doing it all and doing it all just right.


Bleh.

It feels good to relax.  It's such fun to be teaching kindergarten again.  It's a relief to take a deep breath and let contractions wait til tomorrow because today Daddy is home and it's a great day to go fishing.

It's wonderful to have hope that this year will be better than last year.  And that, by God's grace, I can keep on doing this.

Mister is in the fifth grade this year.  He has the makings of a great writer, and his current passions are fishing and gearing up for deer hunting season.  So, he's a little bit of me and a little bit of Daddy.
The older kids are studying MFW's  Rome to the Reformation and Apologia Astronomy.

The Summer- So Far- In Pictures

There is no greater place to be in the summertime than Maine!  

There are plenty of lakes to enjoy swimming and fishing with the cousins and friends.

Parades are in abundance.

And all three kiddos have birthdays!

And summer is never complete without a wedding to go to!  Gabe and Heather's was a super-special one!

Two of my favorite people!

New life abounds! Babies love arriving in summer!

Our best friends were visiting for many weeks from Florida!

My kiddos loved visiting with their buds from "back home".

School's Out 2014

There it is. Our homeschool year is done.  We have, at least, fulfilled the legal requirements of what makes up a school year (175 days, instruction in various subjects, four progress notes).  Though it is a welcome thing to check off the list, to wipe my brow and sigh in relief, really, this thing called home education never ends. Most of the books will be put away, the paperwork completed, but now a different kind of learning gets to take precedence.  Summer is a whole semester of education, don’t you think? Swimming, sunscreen, fishing, camping, social BBQs and, my favorite, summer reading. 

As for our 2013-2014 school year, I am not sad to see it end. It was one of the more challenging. The worst year was probably the year we moved, but this year takes a close second.  It was The Year I Wanted to Quit.  I knew the day would come. I just thought I had a few more good years left before then.  Now that it’s coming to an end, and things have improved somewhat, I thankfully do not remember all the reasons I threatened to put these children into a brick and mortar school.  And yes, I did say it aloud, numerous times, to my children, my husband, all the while knowing I could not really do this.  It is not time, not yet, maybe not ever.  But I began to dream of how wonderful it might be not have to do this anymore.  To take sole responsibility for their minds, bodies, spirits.  To pass the baton off to someone else.

But even thinking this way made me uneasy, as this responsibility belongs to no one else.  But also, paradoxically,  not entirely to me.  Perhaps this has been my Grand Lesson of the year.
Homeschooling has been a very lonely experience for me the past three years.  I am no longer surrounded by “so great a cloud of witnesses” who can testify that this venture is going to pay off- or at least commiserate with the unique difficulties of not just motherhood, but home-educating motherhood.  I have so few to sit and have coffee with, who truly get both the passion I have for home education, but also understand the fragility of a mom who undertakes this.  My children, likewise, have a much smaller circle of friends here.  We’re all lonely and it makes the days difficult.

Chief among my worries is not my ability to educate my children.  They are getting the kind of education I most desire for them (literature based, delight-directed, thought-provoking). It is, rather, my inability to be enough for them, or to do enough for them.  But, then, I have learned the truth and I am trying to embrace it: I am not enough for them; I cannot do enough for them.  Children need not only a mother who loves them, but a father, grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, friends, coaches, teachers, Church, nature, books, and mostly, Christ.  My children need to embrace this too- mom cannot do everything for them.  They must learn to do for themselves.  The world is more than mom, more than her fears, more than her passions and her beliefs.  Mom is not enough, but there is one Who Is.

Through this very difficult year, He has been enough for me.  In the loneliness, He has been here for me. In the worrying, He has spoken Peace.  In the tears, He has whispered “I will use this.”  I am beyond grateful.  I often think that the purpose in all of this is to break me and in that process, make me whole.  Well-educated kids are the bonus.

I do want to share something I am incredibly proud of, this 2013-14 school year.  And it’s not me boasting that I am better.  I think I’ve made it clear that I am no better at this than anyone else.  But one of my passions is reading to my children, and with it the hope that they become voracious readers.  One of my core educational beliefs is that reading is enough. And this was a banner year for reading.  Allow me to share the list of books we listened to (via read-aloud or audio) this year:

Gooney Bird Green and the Room Mother- Lois Lowry
The Golden Goblet- Eloise Jarvis McGraw
Lost on a Mountain in Maine- Don Fendler
Charlotte’s Web- EB White
Ramona and Beezus; Ramona and Her Father- Beverly Cleary
Mrs. Piggle Wiggle; Hello Mrs. Piggle Wiggle- Betty McDonald
The Tanglewood’s Secret; Star of Light; Treasures of the Snow- Patricia St. John
The Best Christmas Pageant Ever- Barbara Robinson
Eric Liddell- Janet and Geoff Benge
The Moffats- Eleanor Estes
Misty of Chincoteague- Margeurite Henry
Understood Betsy- Dorothy Canfield Fisher
Gooney Bird is So Absurd- Lois Lowry
The Little Princess- Frances Hodgeson Burnett
Mountain Born- Elizabeth Yates
In Grandma’s Attic- Arleta Richardson
The Children’s Homer- Padraic Column
The Secret of Pheasant Cottage- Patricia St. John
The Hobbit- JRR  Tolkien (currently reading)
Archimedes and the Door of Science- Jeanne Bendick

That’s 24 books, I believe, and these are just the chapter books we dug our noses into.

This was also the year that Mister really began to read chapter books for pleasure.  He has begun devouring, not all, but many of the books he’s read.

This is the year that Brown-Eyed-Girl’s reading has taken off, finally able to read more independently, and higher level readers.

My greatest joys in homeschool involve us being wrapped up in books.  I am not a science experiment mom; this year was short on that.  I am not all that dedicated to teaching my children practical things like tying their shoes (my philosophy: It will come). But I do love reading aloud from the Bible and from other good books and discussing them. I love when my children ask the thought-provoking questions.  Two-plus-two is so easy (in theory, of course), but I just love a good “Why do we believe this?” question.

I feel like I’m giving a bit of an award speech, and honestly, every homeschooling mom deserves an award at the end of the year, but I do need to thank my greatest encourager in the whole wide world, my husband.  I honestly could not do this without his 100% (and more) support and wisdom and words of encouragement every day.  He is proud of what I do here at home and he doesn’t want it any other way.  I also must thank the grandparents for being so supportive of our endeavors and for all the practical help, too, like watching kiddos for date nights, getaways, and doctor’s appointments.  And much thanks to the moms who started this before me and who show me that this can be done and turn out all right. You may not even know you are my heros, but you are, so I’m just going to go ahead and drop names: Holly, Aleyne, Wendy, Jesse, Sarah, and Sandra.  And to all the moms in the trenches with me: I’m so so glad you’re here with me and please, let’s have coffee soon!  And to my young mommy friends who think this is something they want or feel called to do: You will never regret it.  Not in the end, anyway.

I’ve promised myself not to think about next school year- at least for a week.  And though there is a lot I want to accomplish this summer- teaching cursive, math facts memory work, Spanish, typing- I’ve decided to just take a breather for a bit.  Trust. Rest.  Taking time off from school work and taking that time to build stronger relationships with the my children.  Breathe.  Chill.

There it is.  The end.

Remembering Why I Love This

I'm not going to do it.

Apologize for not posting in three months, I mean.

But please forgive me anyway.

We are here. I have just been too busy to take the time to post anything.  I am often writing, often thinking of things to write, but seldom publishing, for many, many reasons.-
One of the main reasons is that I am a wimp. I'm afraid I might  write something that unwittingly enlists me in the Mommy Wars.

Or that by posting pictures of my kids hard at work and actually engaged in what they are learning, someone will think homeschool is all sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows in the Mathews home and that it's all thunderstorms, chicken gizzards, and smog at their home.

Nothing could be further than the truth.  I try to be as real as real can be when I share what's going on around here.  When I share some of the highlights of our life, that is what they are.  Highlights. The good stuff.  Family- and our journey of home education- has many highlights.  But don't think we know what we're doing any more than you do.

I sat down to write this post a week ago and had to erase most of it.  I was so excited to share a few highlights about homeschooling.  Some reasons why I love it so much.  But then, as expected but still unexpectedly, the tides turned and I found myself frustrated with many aspects of this homeschooling lifestyle.

My kids are always HERE!  Always in my face. Always asking me questions. I cannot sit down to upload a few pictures and write a post without continually being assaulted with interruptions.  Interruptions are my pet peeve.  So I start these posts and never finish them because it's just not worth the frustration.

But I'm thankful for the reminders of why I love this way of life.  Like bounce houses on a school day.

 My nephew lives in Texas with his mom, but came to visit during his school vacation, which fell on a different week than school vacations here in Maine.  Because we have the perk of a flexible schedule, we were able to drop regular schooling to go on a field trip to the bounce house to spend time with him.

I call this PE.  And I count it as a school day.  I have the wonderful freedom to determine what an education is and to share it with my children.  School is a building.  Education is all around us.  Even in the mouth of a plastic crocodile.

I call this recess.  And socialization.  And family bonding. (And gambling for minors, too)

Homeschoolers are rebels in many ways.  Even amongst ourselves, we are nonconformists (the brave ones, that is!).  The reasons why we homeschool vary, as well as how we order our day, what we choose to teach our children, and how we choose to teach it.  We love different things about this way of life.

The introvert in me loves that when we go on field trips, the places we go are quieter and far less busy. Because we tend to go when public school is in session.  You will not catch us on many field trips when the public schools are on vacation.  Not that I'm trying to keep my children from those children. Not at all!  It's just kind of nice having a place mostly to yourself.

I love the learning that takes place even when we are travelling. We are big fans of audiobooks and audio dramas like Adventures in Odyssey.  We utilize our CD version of The Story of  the World Volume 1 which compliments what we are learning from books at home.  We listen to biographies of composers that came with our core curriculum.

I love that these children are with me all day, when I pause from my own agenda and disregard the interruptions. I can't believe the questions they ask and that I get to answer them.

Should we be afraid of death?

Why would someone kill their baby?

What's dating?

Do all children go to heaven?

I wouldn't want anyone else answering these questions for them but Josh and I.

So yes, it's hard most days.  It's mundane, especially in the long cold winter.  But I'm so glad I get to do this.